There is a swirl of stories around me, here's one. Addison, the girl next door.
Addison and her 2 kids moved in next door a few months after I did. She seemed like your run of the mill far too young, single mom. She's proving to be a delicious surprise. Shortly after she moved in, she revealed to my roommate Jenny, that she was currently under investigation for drug trafficking; and that they had proof too. She dodged that bullet pretty skillfully, which means that some po-dunk small town cop dropped the ball and she walked.
Well, she's been living on the other side of the wall now for almost a year. In that time, we've seen boys come and go, and come and go and come and go.... But never the same one twice. She quickly established herself as a ho; fo sho. The only thing we didn't see happening, was her leaving for work...ever. We saw her kids leave for daycare, but she always came right back. It became clear early on, that welfare momma was milking the system. Time went on, and somewhere along the way, she landed herself a man! There was much rapture and rejoicing in her world.
Sadly, JT came along just as she decided to get off her lazy ass and get a job. She worked at McDonald's for 4 hours a week, because she had no choice. They were pulling her rent, energy, and daycare assistance if she didn't. JT came into the picture and showered her with affection (loudly...giggity) and gifts. One of these gifts was a brand new nose piercing, that was strictly forbidden in the work place. So, instead of taking out the nose ring....we quit our job. She proudly announced that JT's disability check was enough for them to live off of, and he was moving in. At first, he said his disability was due to a knee injury; we later found out it was mental illness.
Arguments next door ensued. Door slamming, screaming, the whole nine yards. In addition to hearing it play out on the other side of the paper thin wall, we got to watch the relationship status changes on Facebook. A status changed happened no less then 2 times daily.
"In a relationship"
"Single"
"It's complicated"
"Engaged"
"In a relationship"
"Single"
By the next morning, they were always in love again. Until, Addison wanted to do anything without him, or talked to another human being or wasn't stuck at his side holding his hand. He even went so far as to cut himself one day, while she was having coffee with Jenny.
Somewhere along the way, it was revealed that JT was a recovering addict and was looking to get back in touch with the Baby Jesus, to keep him back on the straight and narrow. Our apartment building happens to be directly behind one of those sketchy little cult like churches. The heavens open, the angels sang....they were saved. JT dove head first into the bible and was bringing Addison with him. She was not really allowed to come over much at first, because I am a heathen (We will get to that later, lol). Even though JT had handed his life over to the Baby Jesus, and even went so far as to become the church's new youth pastor, the fighting continued. Until one day, JT came home with the answer to all their problems.
The apartment was possessed. It wasn't mental illness making him snap every 32 hours or so, it was the evil spirits living in the apartment. So off to the church to get some holy water (not a Catholic church, btw.) to rid the house of it's evil presence. While performing the exodus, the spirits attacked him and ravaged him and the bedroom. Clearly, there was evil that no one but the FUCKING CRAZY man could see.
Lucky for us, this did not solve the problems. Amidst their last truly epic battle, the relationship came to an end. He packed his belongings, and he and his disability check hit the road. Addison quickly announced to the world that she was not subjecting herself to the evils wiles of men; her 2 boys were the only men she needed.
Two days later, there's a new boy, Mikey; upstanding, appears educated, gainfully employed, and apparently decent. Jenny and I are kind of taken back, by her somewhat sound decision. Less than one week later, the wonderful JT returns. He comes to Addison begging for redemption, love, acceptance and a place to stay; because he now has a failing heart. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Any sane woman would have sent him packing. However, we are not dealing with average people. She allows him to move in to assist with his recovery, but only as a friend. Rightfully intimidated, Mikey begins staying at the house all the time. Jenny and I keep peaking around the corner, expecting the TLC TV crew to roll up any second. This woman cannot seriously be attempting co-habituation with her ex-fiance and current boyfriend. Is this a new pitch idea for Brother Husbands? What is she trying to accomplish?
Well, Mikey, being smarter than the average bear has bolted and we are left with JT, the guy who introduced himself to me as a "white rapper".
Stay tuned for more stupidity.
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